Hello Everyone!! Today I am going to share with you a goal I hope to master in my life.
Forgiving is a hard thing to do. Some do it because their faith tells them to, they were told by their parents/others growing up, or they just do it to avoid any further confrontation. The problem with doing things this way; however, cause you to bottle up any and all feelings that you have. Later on it turns out that you really did not forgive in the first place. Most people do not realize is that forgiveness is not for the other person(s) that you are having the issue(s) with. The forgiveness is for you.
I am having a hard time with forgiving others. Small issues that are talked about maturely I can forgive. Big things that continue on throughout my life is harder to forgive. One situation in particular is the one between my biological father and myself. Growing up I could not ever remember him being around. The pictures of him in my baby book, and my mother’s words were all I had to go off of for the longest time. When I turned sixteen I decided to look for my biological father. What I found wasn’t what I expected at all. I found out that for pretty much my entire life he’s lived about an hour away from me, he knew who I was, where I was, and told me that his number wasn’t suppose to be listed in the phone book. To say that I was a little put down was an understatement, but I still held out hope, because he wanted to meet face to face. I was warned that I this experience would not turn out the way that I imagined it to but I did not listen. A good two and half weeks in talking to my biological father I found out that it was not going to be what I thought. My biological father wanted me to go behind my mother’s back and send him copies of documents that he should already have. That was the breaking point for me, and in that moment a deep resentment, and anger settled inside my heart. That was the last conversation I had with him. He passed away in 2010 and I did not attend his funeral.
To this day I still feel resentment not so much anger, but also a lot of disappointment and resentment. With him passing away I have to accept that I’m never going to get answers to the questions that I need. I need to forgive him for myself. The sooner I am able to put behind me what will never be the better I can go through my life without this impenetrable wall with an electric fence around my heart. Holding on to these negative emotions will not allow you trust anyone, and can be damaging to future relationships where they are romantic or not. My goal is to find somewhere to put these negative emotions, and also try to have a better relationship with my biological father’s family. It will take some time, but I have it set in my mind to accomplish this.
Copyright ©2016 AmiableEmpath All Rights Reserved.